Some of you may remember me talking about a clinic I attended with a paleontologist/zoologist named Dr. Deb Bennett. Does this ring a bell?
In my own work with my therapist, who I've been seeing since March of 2010, as well as some introspective work I've done on my own with Dr. Bennett's prompting, I've realized some things. They aren't pretty, and they aren't nice to think about, but they are necessary to change before I can have an authentic relationship with this mare (or any horse, for that matter).
I think it's a pretty normal, human thing to resist changing what you know and have practiced for so long. But one of the major realizations I've made is that NOTHING I ask of my horse must come from force, and I MUST have her attention before I can do anything else. This seems simple and obvious, right? I bet a lot of you are thinking, "Duh, you should never force a horse to do something"...any good owner would recognize that. But force isn't as obvious as we think. Force includes pushing on a horse's shoulder to get them out of your space, asking for a movement your horse protests to and continuing to ask anyway, or putting the horse in equipment that makes him assume a particular position with his head and neck. Anything the horse does not do himself is forced. There's no defending it.
Most of us force our horses to do things on a daily basis, and we don't see it as force because we don't know how to properly read the horse's response. Then there are those of us who don't care, but I assume most horse owners do care for their horses welfare and happiness.
Believe me, it's taken me a long, long time to accept this, but I have realized that I am not as good at reading horses as I thought I was. Stella has been telling me a lot, and she's upset and tuned out because I haven't been listening. I haven't been listening because I didn't know how to listen.
So, today I am a Beginner. This doesn't mean I know nothing: this means I am someone who begins at the beginning. I don't start in the middle, or ask my horse for something I haven't prepared her to respond properly to. I begin with Step 1. I think there's a serious misunderstanding about what it really means to be a beginner, an amateaur, a professional, etc. If you have your own agenda, than those terms mean something to you. But they mean nothing to your horse. Your horse needs you to begin every lesson at the beginning, regardless of the level of complexity of what you are teaching. Thus, you should ALWAYS be a beginner with your horse. What you choose to call yourself in the presence of other people is your choice.
Now, before I sign off, I want to note that this is a pretty personal journey for me. As I've stated before, I really do believe that you cannot learn something or do something successfully if you aren't totally honest with yourself. Horses are excellent at pointing out our flaws, but they are equally as patient during our attempts and just as good at showing us when we do something right. We just need to learn how to listen. If what I am saying now, and what I have to say in the future interests you, please ask yourself these questions before attempting to start this process:
- Why do I have horses? What does the horse do for me personally/bring into my life?
- What are or were my goals/aspirations with horses?
And finally, the ultimate question: Do I have ANY sort of agenda?
Be honest with yourself. Don't judge your responses, just respond. They will give you information about yourself and your relationship with your horse if you are completely honest. It may be the best thing you ever do for yourself OR your animal, but it only happens if you're willing to let go of previous notions and be totally, utterly honest.
Wish me luck! I've got a post about DIY saddle fitting tips coming up, and of course I'll be sharing my adventures with Stella.
No comments:
Post a Comment