Summer By Numbers

10: The total number of days off I've had this summer

0: Number of vacations I have taken

1: Number of trips that will be gone on in the very near future (more on that soon)

1: Number of times Stella has colicked (and we think it was due to the heat)

3: Number of times I've been out with friends other than my boyfriend (who is a wonderful date, don't get me wrong, he's just not a girl, and a girl needs her ladyfriends)

305: Dollars I've spent on horse board...pretty exciting considering I'm still a semi-broke post-college kid

0: Number of vet bills I've had since I got out of school (yay! *knock on wood*)

And...

0: Number of times I have worked Stella since graduating

That's a pretty sobering last statement.

It's been rough. I don't think I can even really use my job as an excuse anymore, because I remember a time where I would ride after school, ride after work, ride BEFORE work, and have few qualms about the heat, the humidity, the flies. Now they've all become excuses.

Yes, I admit it. I think I'm a big scaredy pants. I'm afraid of what will happen, what won't happen, how quickly or how slowly we'll progress, and if I will reveal how much or how little I really know. It's one of those weird cross roads that you can see coming from miles away, and so you talk about it and think about it and make plans, but when you get there you freeze just like the deer in the headlights you knew you'd be. Nothing can prepare you for it. That's why they call it a crossroad.

The good news is that there HAS been progress, just not the kind I'm used to. Grooming has been the mainstay of our relationship as of late, and may I just say Stella looks GORGEOUS. She's shiny and dappled and beautiful. Even with lack of work, she's filled out. She's become more solid looking, more like a real horse and less like a compilation of horsey parts. She just looks more mature...less like the 5 year old she is and more like an adult, for lack of a better word.

Kind of like me. I have to laugh, because in a lot of ways I'm going through the same thing. I look at this mare and see so much of me. I wasn't gawky and awkward in such an obvious way, but I was naive. I wasn't particularly trusting, I had no sense of direction and at times I felt wobbly on my own two feet.

Anyway, back to the grooming.

I spend about a half hour after doing chores grooming LBM, and I've started to catch her earlier and earlier before she "leaves." By "leaving" I don't necessarily mean physically walking away, although I catch that too, but mentally focusing on something other than me. When she decides she wants to "leave", I gently take hold of the cheek of her halter and "ask" her to stay. I don't know how to explain it any better. It's a state of mind,  centering yourself and in turn showing the horse that you are present, and you expect them to be, too. It's been working, and I can see her getting a little bit more confident each session. She no longer walks out of her stall when she sees the grooming box, and she has learned to enjoy and readily stand for the witch hazel sponge baths she's been getting to reduce the bug-bite itchies.

So, for now it's OK. The road we're on isn't a bad one, and when we're ready, things will start happening.

Oh, so that trip in the very near future? I'm leaving for a 3 week vacation in Europe on July 31st. More later :)