So, I thought this would be an excellent time to describe exactly what's been happening with my and my young mare.
Stella has been upset with me. I have not been a coherent unit: I have not been able to separate my emotions, to truly work with her instead of working against myself. I have come to the pinnicle of the therapy work I've been in over the last 8 months or so, and I've been totally overwhelmed, overly emotional and my brain has been working complete and utter overtime. None of these things bode well for a young, energetic and sensitive mare who needs guidance, patience and confidence. Seeing as I haven't been able to offer her any of this things in the last couple weeks, she's been a total wreck.
She overreacts. She bolts. She shies at things before shying at things. She spooks ridiculously easily. She's constantly watching, on the alert for things that may eat, bite, scratch or otherwise harm her. She gets pissy quickly. She is less inclined to do what I ask, she has often shared with me her protest by offering a buck, squeal or a number of other means of communicating "You suck".
Now, to make it clear, she is only mirroring what I am feeling. I am in no way blaming her. It's not her fault: she's perfectly content by herself without my baggage thrust upon her. But the reality is that this has all been a huge, HUGE eye opener into what I lack as a horseperson. Ego is such a terrible thing to bring into the horseworld, and if you can't ditch your ego and learn to manipulate your emotional energy, you may as well hang up your boots and take up needlepoint. You will never get anywhere that is authentic and comfortable for you or the horse.
Now, I am not about to go start knitting, so my job is now to begin to get rid of the blinders that I've been wearing, deal with myself as a person separate from horses, and when I do work with Stella (or any horse) be totally and completely emotionally honest with both her any myself. I think there are a lot of people that need to do this. Most of you have probably gone to the barn after a totally crappy day or series of crappy days thinking it would do you some good, and found yourself with an animal that was less than happy to deal with you. Maybe your ride sucked, maybe your horse wasn't cooperative, or maybe he protested so much that you gave up and resigned him to his pile of hay. Either way, your horse's behavior is not a statement about him, it's a statement about you.
I would like to note that in no way has Stella become dangerous to handle. I mean, obviously horses are inherently dangerous and risky, but in no way has she turned rogue or wild. She is trying so hard to trust me, I can see it, but I haven't given her a good reason to stick around. She does what I ask 99% of the time, but there's always a weary eye watching out for monsters. Our job as horsepeople is to give our horses the ability to be 100% confident in us, to let them fully know that if they listen and stick with us, mentally and physically, they will always come out OK. I guarantee you 95% or more of the horses out there do no believe this, mine included.
Life is an adventure right? I got on her the other day and had a great 10 minutes of just walking around a breathing, paying attention to her ears, allowing her to look at things and then asking her to come back and be with me mentally. After a few minutes she was noticeable more relaxed, she let out a few deep sighs, and her reaction after I got off was fantastic. We all make mistakes, and if you aren't making mistakes then you're not learning...so stay tuned to hear about our progress!
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