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Yup. That was about my reaction, I was so surprised. Thank you, to all you folks who have decided this blog is worth reading. It means so much that so many of you have read and followed and listened to my ranting.
I had a dream about Ernie last night. I'm not really sure what to make of it, because to be honest I've never had a dream about him before. It wasn't exactly a good dream either...
We were in an office building: I knew it was my mom's, but it didn't look like any building I've ever seen in real life. It was set on the bank our old house used to be on, overlooking a huge cornfield about 100 yards below. Ernie and Stella were in straight stalls in a back room next to a copy machine. People were coming in and out, and didn't seem concerned about the horses in their office. I was standing by the front desk, and I knew I was waiting for someone to come. My mom was sitting at a desk behind me. I went back to see Ernie: Stella was eating hay, munching away happily. Ernie was standing there, eyes half closed, looking like he often did when he was tired or resting, except he didn't look like a normal horse. He was literally a skeleton covered in skin and hair. Every protrusion, point, hook, every single bone stuck out from underneath his coat. I went to pat him and felt him disappear under my fingers. I let a finger trail between his ribs, and his skin turned to sand as my nail dragged over the surface of his hide.
That's all I remember. I was completely freaked out and a little upset when I woke up, and the feeling has followed me all day. I'm in counseling on a weekly basis for things completely unrelated, and my counselor is a horse person, too. I mentioned the dream to her (we've talked about Ernie before, so she knows quite a bit) and she said it actually sounds relatively realistic for the current moment. Whether I want to accept it or not, Ernie's body is in some sort of state of decomposition. It's just how the life cycle works. This dream was reminiscent of that, although the office set-up was a little weird.
I found this picture of Ernie while perusing my computer this evening. It sums up so much of what he did when he wasn't worrying about something...napping. Ernie loved to nap, and Ernie loved to nap in the sun most of all. He'd sit outside during the summer, on days when most horses would be running for shade, and snooze with the sun in full blaze. This is a pretty typical awkward Ernie stance, too...wide and toed out in front, narrow and toed out behind. He did this more as he got older and weaker. It's why I don't put all that much emphasis on perfect or even ideal conformation: there were plenty of things wrong with this horse, and he still performed beautifully for me for several years.
And, you can see how hairy he is. I checked his pedigree a couple times looking for a yak cross somewhere, and never found it. SERIOUSLY, folks...Thoroughbreds are NOT supposed to grow this much hair. But he did, every winter I had him.
It's getting better every day. I cried today while driving home from work because a song came on that reminded me of his passing, the fact that he isn't here. I miss him, but I'm starting to come to terms with his absence, and I just hope he's found a big herd of friends to feel at peace with up there.
Ernie was so beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Veronica. He was, in his own unique way.
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