Despite the herbal calmers, which he gets every day, twice a day, his behavior and anxiety levels have been getting worse and worse for a couple weeks now. Today he reached the pinnacle of this spell he's been in. The weather was crap, starting with wicked thunderstorms and hail this morning and more nasty, cold, damp yuckiness this afternoon. The wind was so strong at times I thought the barn would come down. My arrival to the barn around noon was met with panic and extreme grumpiness, probably because I'd been a VERY BAD MOM and not been able to make it out earlier to throw some hay to everybody. He was snappy, flighty and basically gave me the hoof, more or less. I fed him lunch and started in on stalls.
Ernie got his feet done today, so he got some quality time with A, his favorite farrier (he likes to fall asleep while he feet are getting done, and gets very upset when A goes away to work on a shoe). I pulled Stella out after to have A check my progress on her feet, and to tack her up to work. This normally doesn't bother Ernie all that much, but today he flipped, ran out the door and to the end of his paddock, whinneying the entire time. He stayed out there for a while by his friend G.I, then came screaming back in a few minutes later. His pacing was much more frantic today, too. Normally it's a slow, more lamented, sort of like "I'm bored/hungry/pay attention to me". Today, every instance was twisted neck, frantic, "WHYISNOONELISTENINGTOME".
Yes, it's been a couple days since I last groomed him. Yes, I'm probably the cause of it. Yes, he's not getting nearly as much attention as he's been used to historically, but I try and pull him out at least every other day to lavish him with brushing and carrots and scratches. It's just not working, I guess.
We had some quiet time today. I took him out and tried to convince him calmly that I'm NOT going to hit him in the head (lately, every time I move towards his face he jerks away, his eyes roll back into his head and he refuses to lower it until I convince him it's OK...) I groomed him for a while, wiped the goo from his eyes, trimmed his VERY long whiskers and complimented him endlessly on how good his feet look. I was amazed at the fact that he's actually retained muscle in his neck: this never happens when he's not in constant work. But sure enough, he's got a tell-tale filled up area at the base of his neck before his withers, and an actual crest. His hind end has kept quite a bit, too. Miracles do happen, I suppose.
I was talking to Donnie for a while about A's and my conversation earlier, when Ernie did something he never does. He was standing relaxed, with a foot cocked and his eyes half shut, when he stretched his neck out and starting licking my jacket. I'd been feeding him carrots earlier, so I figured he just wanted more. But he wasn't search my pockets or nudging me...he was actually grooming me...
This never happens. Ever. No matter how close I am to this horse, he does not show affection like this. This continued for a good four or five minutes, until he started nibbling on the drawstrings to my hood at which point I stepped away. I'm still not sure what to think. He was just as anxious and irritated when I put him back in the stall and got dinner ready, but for a brief moment he was calm, quiet and just happy to be fussed over. This is a horse who wants so desperately for you to pay attention to him, but never acknowledges that he actually enjoys it. I've had only tiny glimpses into the affectionate side of him. Hell, I don't even see that side when he's with other horses!
He is, in his own right, an amazing animal. I love him more than words can say, and I dread the day where I make that phone call to the vet. It seems to be approaching too soon. I haven't set a date yet, but some days I wonder if I'm doing him a disservice by not getting it over with, because most days he seems so unhappy. It's moments like today when I remember why we chose each other.
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