The good news is, Ernie's in the clear. He started eating late last week after the vet came out and drew blood. Initially he would only eat if I was standing there watching him, but I'd come every morning and his dish would by empty, and he was doing a better job cleaning up his hay.
The blood results were as follows: everything is perfectly normal for a horse half his age. There is nothing wrong with his organ function, blood count, protein or sugar levels, nothing. He tested negative for Cushings, and doesn't appear to have any other metabolic issues.
What that means: this is all in his head. The vet left me a message Saturday morning saying all of the above, and then rounded it out with "So, that leaves a mental issue. I seriously think a lot of this is just in Ernie's head; his mental state controls his physical responses and behaviors to such a degree that when he's stressed he can make himself physically sickly."
Yay! Wait, what?
Yes, I sort of already knew this. There are a lot of things wrong with Ernie's head. My vet even went so far as to say it's entirely possible, even probably, that he has some sort of tumor or mass in his brain that's causing his extreme mood swings, depression and other mental problems. More than once I've heard him say Ernie is one of the most extreme cases of anxiety and neurotic behavior he's ever seen. For a guy that's been in veterinary medicine for over 40 years, that's saying a lot.
For now, Ernie is doing better. I've changed his diet over so that he's getting several small meals a day. He's back in light, light work. He's back on his calming drugs. He's also going to start getting small amounts of alfalfa, which is high in calcium and will hopefully act as a natural stomach buffer to prevent probable ulcers.
I was very close to putting him down. I can't bear seeing him upset, and to be honest, my emotions have been yo-yo'ing for the past 10 years. Even since I bought him, I feel like I've became more and more unstable; some days I can deal with his neuroticism, some days I just can't. Some days I have the patience of a saint, and others I have to leave the barn early because I'm either too frustrated to close to tears. My inability to keep tabs on my emotions doesn't do him any good, either, and I can tell he keys in on them.
Of course, now that this has all happened, I'm going to be watching him like a hawk. I have to take note of any changes, even the slightest ones like looking a little more tired, laying down a bit more, etc. The seed has been planted: I know that when this horse goes, it's probably going to be by my hand and not his. He's too stubborn and strong-willed to just give up an die. I feel silly for ever thinking he would. He's pioneered his whole life through all sorts of pain, and I just can't see him giving up now.
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