Bad Abbie.

This is an all around, generalized statement. I've been a bad, bad horse mom. I've also not blogged in several weeks. I've also somewhat lost my mind. (What else is new...)

We are approaching the end of soccer season. I'm sad to see it go but happy to have time to spend with my kids (both of whom are getting very fuzzy). As of late, I've been out to the barn to do chores and that's about it. They haven't even had my pro-grooming job lately. It's been so damn hard to try and get everything together, I haven't been sleeping that much, and with a new love interest in my life, balancing everything has been significantly more challenged.

Both horses are fine. We've had no major issues, but I still feel terrible. I can tell Stella is more than upset with me; I've had trouble catching her lately in the pasture and her general attitude has been sour. If she sees me coming, she usually books it the other way and goes for a run-around for about 20 minutes before I can get anywhere near her. She was used to being worked and fussed over every day, and then I went and changed that and now she's got lots of excess energy and is lacking a job. She really enjoys her work, I can always see her throwing herself into whatever I ask her to do, and to take that away from her is really screwing her up.

Ernie is a little more ho-hum about the whole thing. I think he's at the point where work doesn't matter so much as attention. He will put up with the work because it means attention from me, but lately he hasn't even gotten that. He's slightly more forgiving than Stella, but not by much. I've slacked in his rehab a lot, and he's starting to lose the muscle tone we put back on.

It's just sad faces all around at the barn. The atmosphere isn't the same; I don't look forward to going there as much anymore, which is precipitated by a lot of things I can't get into here, but it's burning a huge hole in my life. Those horses are my life; when everything is said and done, they are all I have, and if I can't enjoy them, I sometimes wonder what else I've got. There's plenty of other things going on in my life, but it would still feel incredibly empty without them.

I'm currently "on vacation". There's slight sarcasm there, because while it is technically a school break week, I don't get a break. I'm on campus for the entire week (except for right now, but I'm headed back in a few hours) for soccer. This may be a good thing; I'm used to it after the last couple years, I get to work and make some money, and I get time for my boy and girl. Thank God.