Great Success! Very Nice!

I know, the Borat lines are probably getting old...but hey, they say everything I need to get across about yesterday's appointment with L!!

We let Stella loose in the roundpen while we talked for a bit. L wanted to get a bit clearer picture of what exactly I was looking to accomplish with her, so she mosied around the enclosure while I described to L what I was hoping for: I told her Stella had been a little difficult to get really close to, and that there was a layer of trust and willingess that was lacking as the foundation of our work. I told her she'd been backed to saddle, W/T/C and basic lateral movements but I could tell the element of trust was missing the further into her training we got. Cut to the chase, 20 minutes later and I mentioned that Stella had very rarely willingly followed me around. So we started there.

Before we incorporated Stella into the picture, L led me through some grounding exercises for myself, things that I could do before I even got Stella from her stall that would help me get centered, focused and present for her. We did some deep breathing, practicing noticing and purposefully softening the parts of my body where I held tension. All the while Stella wandered around with her nose in the dirt. Several times she came over to investigate. She'd stand by us, nuzzling our boots or our coats, nipping at our zippers. She had no problem asserting herself into our personal space. L never punished her or pushed her away. Instead, at one point she started to twirl her arms around herself in a circle, establishing her space. Stella got poked a couple times in the face when she tried to put her head into the circle, but figured out after a minute that the circle was not somewhere for her to be. L said one of the important things was not to reprimand her for being curious and investigative, something we want to encourage, but to simply establish where my space is and show it to her clearly. She would figure it out on her own, and she did.

We then moved on to what L called creating an energy circle. It sounds a little out there, but the logic behind it is pretty simple. If I wanted Stella to follow me, and thus act "followerish", I had to act like a leader, and move and behave in a way that's "leaderish". If I don't demonstrate that I can be a secure leader, Stella can never have the confidence to follow. L walked with me in a large circle around the outskirts of the roundpen. She showed me how to move from my center, taking steps that were grounded, looking up and out through soft eyes and breathing from my core evenly and rhythmically. We did this for a few minutes. Stella watched us intently, following us with her eyes and ears. Once or twice she began to follow but stopped and moved to a different spot to watch us better. I knew what she was contemplating, but I could see the uncertainty in her eyes as she observed. Finally, after about 10 minutes, she ambled up behind us and came shoulder to shoulder with me. L stayed with me for a moment and then said she was going to move to the center of the round pen and leave us alone. Stella stayed right with me, matching my strides and pace.

When L finally told me to slow my pace and choose a spot to stop, Stella stayed with me and halted evenly with my shoulder. I lavished praise on her, scratched her favorite spot at her withers. She responded by curling her upper lip and tilting her head in appreciation. After a few seconds she started to reciprocate on my arm, grooming my coat sleeve. We continued like this for a couple minutes.

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am. This what exactly what I was hoping for, and it all happened without any coercion or frantic running or pressure. Stella decided for herself after watching us walk around. I couldn't be any happier.

I'll email L in a couple weeks as I try this on my own for a while. We'll see where it takes us; she said she had a lot more to show me if I was willing, and why wouldn't I be?

Everything Happens for a Reason

I have good news, and sort of bad news.

The bad news is I haven't formally "worked" with Stella once in almost 3 weeks. I haven't been able to bring myself to. She's clearly lacking respect and interest in what I ask, and I don't want to get hurt (I want to make it clear that in no way is this horse "dangerous"...I've had that discussion with someone who thought they knew what was going on already. This mare is very green, very young and very insecure. She has never attempted to hurt me, but she has given me definitive signs that she is NOT okay. Well, neither am I, so who can blame her...)

The good news is, everything happens for a reason.

I have, on my calendar, a 1.5 hour session with a certified EFMH specialist next Friday. EFMH stands for Equine Facilitated Mental Health; it's what most of us have horses for to begin with. There really is something good about the inside of a horse that does wonders for people.

This woman came on spoke in one of my classes last week and what she had to say really hit me. She described the exact path that I wanted to move towards: taking advantage of that wonderful honesty horses give us and using it to educate people about themselves (only I would be applying it for my own purposes...) She acts as the liason between the horse and the rider/client, helping them get to a place where they are centered and calm and then helping facilitate the relationship between the horse and rider, translating the horse's efforts to communicate to them. In a nutshell, she helps people foster a better relationship with their animals.

About two weeks ago I walked down to Ernie's grave and sat in the snow for a while. The sun was out and the birds were chirping and there I sat, eyes closed. I prayed for one of the first times in my life. I asked him for help: that horse, whether I knew it or not, knew me better than any being on this planet, and I think he still does. There's been things happening with the horse who is now in his stall that make me wonder about his presence...the behaviors are so exactly the same. I know there was a bond between us, and so I asked him to help me help Stella, to show me what it is I need, the tool I was missing the many years I had him.

Fast forward to last Friday. I'd already seen this woman present this amazing discussion to us, something I knew was going to help me immensely connect to myself and thus connect to my mare. I had planned on emailing her that weekend. I had a job interview about 45 minutes north of the college and as I was driving along a state highway, a barn on a hillside came into view on my right. A big, clean, white banned hung across the barn's side. It was the speaker's facility, the one she had described to us in the presentation, where she kept her therapy horses and facilitated so many sessions. I about cried: I think Ernie heard me. I emailed her as soon as I got back to my apartment.

I didn't used to believe things happened for a reason. After emailed back and forth with this woman, I feel unsure but ready. Stella is in my life for a very specific purpose, and I think she knew it long before I did. Ernie started me on this path. He made me a gentler, more understanding horse person, and he left me when he knew I was in good hands (hooves, I suppose). These two horses have done so much for me already, and I owe a lot of what I have learned to them.

I sat out on my boyfriend's porch earlier tonight by myself, drinking a cold beer and watching the sun set. The emotion that came over me was overwhelming: somehow I just knew Ernie was there with me. I raised my bottle to him (corny, perhaps...), smiled and felt my eyes well up. God, I miss that old boy.