New Year's Un-Resolutions

First of all:

Happy 2011!

I had a lovely NYE with the boyfriend and his family; it felt a little odd just because my family always spends New Year's with a particular family whom we are very close with. We've done it for the last 12 years and this is the first year we haven't, for various reasons (people's work schedules, difficulties traveling, etc.), and while it was nice to spend time with Alex (we went out to dinner, bought fireworks and blew them up, went for a nice (and dark) walk in the woods, watched the ball drop, etc) it was very weird not to see my best friend, as is tradition.

I don't normally do New Year's Resolutions just because I don't ever think ANYBODY sticks to them. Yes, some of us last longer than others, but I don't know of anybody who has made it all the way through the year sticking to a resolution, no matter what it is. I also find goals a little frightening: I am, by nature, an extreme Type-A personality and LOVE to plan every little detail of my life and my horses' lives. However, I've recognized that A) this isn't possible, and B) not healthy or likely to make things any easier or more organized. Shit happens, things break, relationships fall apart, animals get hurt: life rarely goes as planned. As a favorite teacher of mine used to tell us, "Life is a test, and only a test. If this were real life, you would have been given further instructions."

Just because I'm shying away from making goals doesn't mean I don't have things I'd like to have happen. So, here is my list of un-goals, AKA my New Year's Un-Resolutions:

1. Get Stella going under saddle. This needs to happen sooner or later. She's wonderful on the ground, and she needs to keep progressing to prevent her from getting bored. I'm afraid to push her too far too soon, probably because I've never trained a young horse from nothing before and I don't want to break her. But hey, we've gotten this far. I got a really great piece of advice (a little bit of a "duh" moment, I'll admit) from a trainer a couple months ago: seek help when you need it, but in the end, allow you and your horse to make mistakes. Expect crap from the get-go, but expect the crap to improve over time. As long as we're improving, we won't stop making progress. And, if something doesn't work, you haven't gone backwards: you've gained valuable information about how NOT to do something! If anything, I've realized that NOT pushing her is worse than seeing how far I can push.
   
2. Continue to figure out what to do with Ernie. This is an ongoing process, and probably always will be. In the 10 years I've had him, I've yet to figure him out completely. I like to think of it more as we've come to an understanding. I've realized in the extreme up's and down's I went through with him in 2010 that no management program, supplement, exercise routine or veterinary treatment is the key to him being content. All these things done appropriately and as needed can help, but nothing is a cure-all. He is, and always will be, Ernie. He is messed up, neurotic, emotionally unstable and anxiety prone, but he is mine and I will continue to deal with all of these things and more in the hopes of keeping him somewhat happy.
3. Live! I feel like I spend so much time worrying about this and that, where my next board check is coming from, what I'm doing with my life, etc. that I forget to live right now. It happens to so many of us so easily, and I'm ready to just enjoy being a student, go through each day appreciative of what I have now and how many opportunities I have in the future. Things have a way of working themselves out; I've never not been able to solve a problem, make a payment, get what's necessary. It always turns out OK. And it will continue to turn out OK: the difference is, I'll remember that.

I saw the ponies today. I turned them out into the big pasture to let them run a little and get out their bucks. Stella took full advantage of this: she was doing full airs above the ground, bucking like a bronc. Then, she'd break out into the most BEAUTIFUL, big, floaty trot I've ever seen from her. It was absolutely gorgeous. If I can eventually get that under saddle, she'll be a dressage force to be reckoned with!